Today’s another sunday. I mean it’s a lazy sunday with not much to do. No, it doesn’t mean I didn’t do anything today, but you can or you can’t. It’s all up to you.
I decided to finish up the memoires of my mother. My mother wants to write a book about her life and I’m rewriting it a bit. It’s a lot of work, but it’s nice to read about her life and her experiences.
While outside the snow it falling I’m behind my computerscreen typing away.
Although this is an older photo, hence the christmas decoration on my screen, you get the impression of my desk. I finished my work I wanted to do today, so now I’m free to do whatever I want. But I don’t want to do a thing. It truely is another lazy sunday.
I rember when I was I kid, I hated sundays. I had to go to church, which I didn’t like because we had to sit on a hard bench and it was boring. That was the same time I started questioning God and the church. Every year you heard the same stories and I didn’t believe them, those stories. A man walking over water, turning water into wine and so on. From that day forward I wanted to believe in me. And I’m still working on it. I didn’t know it was so hard to believe in yourself. People around me and certain situations start questioning my faith in me. I had to stop listening to other people too much and start listening to my own feelings. What do I feel? What do I feel when people talk to me or about me? When it hurts when they’re saying certain things about me, I have to ask myself ‘Why does it hurt so bad?’ It’s got something to do with my own insecurity. That’s one thing that’s true. But, on the other hand I ask myself why do people talk bad about people? They talk bad about people they don’t even really know! Who are they to judge others? Okay, that’s got to do with their insecurity.
Now I want to ask you: ‘Why does insecurity excist?‘
I try to be secure about myself eventhough people may talk bad about me. But I don’t understand why they would talk bad about me. Are they some kind of jealous?
Please, help me out! What started out as just another sunday now has become a philosophical one. A sunday with a question. A sunday with a mission perhaps…